Growing up, I believed that my value was tied to my ability to produce and succeed. However, my experiences in Europe have challenged these beliefs.
The American Obsession with Productivity
Reflecting on my past, I realize I was obsessed with finding the perfect way to be productive. American society ingrained in me the idea that my worth was determined by how much I could produce. Metrics, schedules, and the constant hustle defined my daily life. This approach, however, doesn’t work well for everyone, especially in knowledge work. We’re human beings not human doings, right? And we’re certainly not machines. After reading several books on productivity, I now see how misguided I was.
In 2015, I had a significant turning point in my life when I embraced a minimalist lifestyle. During this time, I stopped tying my identity and worth to the material objects I owned and became more grateful for what I had. This shift in perspective also made me question my relentless pursuit of productivity. I started to see that my value wasn’t tied to how much I could do or how successful I appeared to be to others. However, (spoiler alert) I still struggle with this concept today, as being productive is deeply ingrained in me.
Cultural Contrast: America vs. Europe
Moving to Europe, I started work at an automotive company. As the only American in my domain, I was surrounded by colleagues from Africa, Asia, Europe, and South America. I noticed a stark difference in attitudes towards productivity. While the Germans are efficient and focused on creating quality products, they are also very practical and focused on ease and comfort more so than the U.S. In the U.S., there seems to be a survival need to be productive that simply doesn’t exist here. My non-U.S. colleagues valued balance and well-being, reminding me that this relentless drive was more of a U.S. problem. This is often reflected in European work contracts with 30 days of vacation and unlimited sick leave.
It makes no sense to come to work when you’re sick. Not only are you not working at your full capacity, but you also risk spreading the illness to everyone else. Europeans understand this. The United States of America does not. Growing up, my parents never took sick days or vacation because they used that time to stay home or take off when one of us kids needed them home early. This mentality rubbed off on me, and for the first 10 years of my working life, I felt horribly guilty taking any time off.
The Cost of Relentless Productivity
Eventually, I was led to burnout, and I think a large part of that was due to working for 10 years at my previous company in the States. That specific job didn’t showcase my strengths, and I felt I had to hide a lot of who I was to survive. When I uprooted and moved countries, I only took 3 weeks off in between the old job and the new one. So, I didn’t really give myself a break. There was no time to relax or process the previous 10 years.
But I also felt that I couldn’t give myself a break. After all, my residency card here in Germany at the time was tied to my job, and I was living paycheck to paycheck in the States. I didn’t have a lot of money when I moved, and luckily, I was able to just move in with my boyfriend at the time, who is now my husband.
When the burnout happened, both my general practitioner and my therapist saw the signs and told me I needed to take a step back. My husband tells me that German doctors do not use the term ‘burnout’ lightly.
There were times I really regretted it, and I think I did talk about that in a previous post about leaving the rat race. There were times when I thought I quit too soon and could have hung in there a little longer. But Annie Duke, in her book Quit, reminds us that sometimes quitting on time feels too early. Who knows what would have happened to me or my mental state if I continued to push as American society had programmed me to do: suppress the pain, the pressure, the emotions, and just keep going—soldier on.
Productivity was Part of my Identity
My productivity wasn’t just tied to my self-worth. I also linked it to my identity. “I am a productive person.” In reality, I was more of a “busy” person and not productive. I found little things to keep me occupied but that didn’t necessarily push me in the right direction toward the completion of my goals.
Still, when I linked ‘busy-ness’ to my identity, it was hard to give up. While our personalities aren’t permanent, they can be painful to change even when it’s for the better. Just like healing a traumatic childhood, when you associate that trauma with part of who you are, there is a fear that you will lose yourself in the process of healing and letting go.
Learning to Slow Down
As I worked with my therapist after quitting my job, I started to overload my calendar with writing projects. I felt I needed to be working on writing, and I was just filling my calendar with more work. My therapist asked, “What are you doing? This is not the way to go. You need to not work.”
I replied, “I can’t not work. I have to work. This is who I am.”
My therapist then told me that in Portugal, they have a (translated) saying: “I’m going slow because I’m in a hurry.” This is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Think about it. When we rush, we make mistakes and have to go back and do rework. If we take our time the first time, a lesson that should have stayed with me from my job as an electrician, we can create something called “first time quality” at a relaxed pace with less stress and more success.
As I continue to focus on relaxation and enjoying life instead of working all the time, I find it easier to form healthy habits. These habits assist my positive growth and productivity without being detrimental to my mental health. It’s much easier for me to sit at the desk and work on a book or a blog post when I’m not rushing and stressing myself to produce 100 books in a day. (That’s an exaggeration, but I think you get the message.)
Re-evaluating Productivity
This isn’t to say that productivity is inherently bad. A focus on productivity can drive innovation and success, but it shouldn’t define our worth. My experience suggests that an obsessive pursuit of productivity can lead to burnout and a loss of personal fulfillment. It’s essential to find a balance that allows for both professional achievement and personal well-being.
Going Against Flowing
Slowing down has reminded me that the flow state isn’t something to seek and find; it’s something that is inside of us already. It is our natural state, and we need to stop fighting it. If you look at nature, nature doesn’t resist the flow. I say this as I sit by the Main River and watch the current carry the water downstream. We are part of nature as human beings, but our minds constantly fight the flow because our mind is designed for survival. It doesn’t care if you meet your goals or make your dreams come true; it’s just trying to keep you and the human race alive.
Looking at the books I’ve already published, I realize I rushed many of them. I would reach a point where I’d think, “That’s it, I’m done with this. I’m tired of looking at it. I want it done,” and then I’d push myself and rush to finish. I’m not sure I released the best versions of those books. I regret that. I regret pushing myself to a point where I feel like I released a subpar product. Even though the reviews have been good for all my books, I feel like they could be better.
I feel like I could have taken my time and done more. But I also think about not waiting until you’re ready and not waiting for perfection—good enough is good enough. In a way, my books are good enough. I always feel like I could have delved into this more or changed that, but ultimately, they’re published, they’re making money, and people seem to enjoy them. Isn’t that the point?
Making art is not about being perfect, writing the perfect book, or being profound. It’s about entertaining people for a little while, helping them escape from whatever they want to escape from, and maybe giving them some solace or someone to relate to. It’s not about productivity.
Making art is not about being perfect or writing the most perfect book or the most profound thing. It’s about entertaining people for a little while, helping them escape from whatever they want to escape from, and maybe giving them some solace or someone to relate to. It’s not about productivity.
Eliza Fabricius
A Call to Reflection
As I continue to navigate my journey, I encourage you to reflect on your own relationship with productivity. Are you defining your worth by what you produce? Consider the values and beliefs that drive your actions. Perhaps it’s time to redefine productivity in a way that aligns with your personal values.
In conclusion, my journey from a productivity-obsessed mindset to a more balanced perspective has been transformative. I hope my reflections inspire you to consider your own path and find a healthier, more fulfilling approach to productivity.
Thank you for reading.
-Eliza
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